Three Way
by Raven46
Summary: One wild phone gets the boys dicussing girlfriends, one night stands, Beauty and The Beast, setting hair on fire and of course cats licking knee caps. What else could you ask for? Challenge fic. RR


AN: Alright, this is a one shot done for Keza's challenge group. The idea was to start a story with the phone being picked up and ending it with the phone being picked up or hung up....so this is what my demented mind churned out. I hope you enjoy it. Please, if you don't like crude or toilet humor don't read it because I don't have patience nor the anger management resources for flames.

Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Newsies, Invader Zim or Beauty and the Beast. Well duh...but it needed to be said. Damn Disney.

* * *

_Rrrring! rrrring!_

A strong hand reached out and grabbed the chiming phone.

"You know never to fucking call me before three..."

"Hey asshole it's Five thirty!" Laughed the friend on the other line. "Honestly, Jack."

Jack Kelly sat up quickly in bed and ruffled his already messy hair. He blinked his eyes a few times and tried to focus.

"Why are you calling me, Mush?"

"We're goin to the beach."

"At five thirty?"

"Yes at five thirty."

"Five thirty?"

"Five thirty....shall I call Blink to confirm?"

"By all means please help yourself."

"Hold on dude three way rocks."

"Roar! What's poppin sexy?"

"Hi Blinkums!" Mush squealed.

"Argh, maybe you shouldn't have called him..."

"Shut up, who's the grump?"

"It's Jack..."

"Aaaaah, Perfectly understandable."

"Yes it is, you know, only five thirty in the evening."

"We still going to the beach?"

"You guys are serious about the beach?"

"Yea, shit hold on, other line..." Blink disappeared for a moment.

"Wear your trunks with the duckies!" Mush said cheerfully.

"Duckies! Quack quack, Jack, I can see your asscrack duckies?"

"HELL YEA! It's a mighty fine asscrack."

"Whoa, what the hell did I miss..." Blink announced his return and another snicker was heard in the background.

"Ya know if you wanted an asscrack so badly I could introduce you to my cousin Giovanni."

"Shut up Race!"

"Shit, where's my pillow?"

"How did you loose a pillow, Blink?"

"Don't know, but it seems to have floated off too its own place of fluffy goodness!"

"Do you miss that pillow? Do you, Blink? I bet that pillow misses you very very much." Race snickered as he finished.

"Jerk, I wish I could throw a pillow at you!"

"AAAAAAHHHHH! GET OUT OF MY ROOM YOU STUPID SLUT!" Jack screamed full force into the telephone before slamming his door closed and locking it.

"MAAAAA! Jack called me a slut!"

"Don't tease your sister young man!" The group on the phone went silent before cracking up.

"Whoa killah!" Race paused..."It seems as though I am getting a long distance call from Brooklyn himself."

"Oh what joy"

"Hey assholes." Spot said, announcing his arrival.

"Damn, Spot aren't you supposed to be at a kegger." Jack stated cockily.

"Key word there, supposed to be, my fucking mother stole my fucking car, that fucking bitch."

"Now let's see if Spot can count the exaggerated use of profanity in that sentence." Mush stated sarcastically.

"What the fuck is profanity?"

Enter silence.

"Spot, _you_ are profanity."

"I'll take it as a compliment."

"You're a moron." Race stated with a roll of his eyes.

"Who asked you?"

"Your mother!"

"Your mother's face!"

"Your mother's face's ass!"

"Your mother's face's ass's mole!"

"I didn't know your mother's face's ass could have a mole." Blink stopped the argument.

"Moooooole! Moley moley moley mooooole." Mush started doing the Austin Powers impression.

"Do I make you horny, baby? Yea!" Race said in his best Austin Powers impression. Spot started laughing.

"I don't know what your laughin about cassanova. Remember that time..." Blink started, but was cut off by Spot's shriek of horror, and yes he did shriek.

"Oh, no I gotta hear this story..." Jack said with a laugh.

"How do you think he actually got his girlfriend? She was way out of his league."

"Excuse me but my girl happens to be exactly in my league."

"Are we using league to describe penis now? When did that happen?" Blink asked.

"I personally liked "The Mighty Captain" myself, didn't you Blinky-poo, poo"

"Blinky-poo poo?" Spot asked absolutely disgusted.

"I lost my mojo..." Blink said with a pout.

"Excuse me at least I don't call my man, bitch whore."

"I don't call my girl bitch whore!" Spot paused...."All right, maybe once, when I was drunk....I wanted a blowjob!"

"Oh, I can just imagine how well she took that comment." Jack laughed.

"She didn't take it well, I got a knee to the nuts and ran for cover..."

"And?"

"Then I got an "I'm sorry" blowjob."

"Damn Spot!"

"It was worth the nutcruncher."

"Nothing is worth a nutcruncher..."

"I personally prefer nutmunchers..."

"You would, Blink." Race interrupted.

"My phone is beepin, why is my phone beepin?" Jack asked in shock.

"It's called call waiting."

"But I'm on three way..."

"You're not using your other line only we are, jockstrap."

"Hey! I resent that!"

"You ever get a manhood wedgie?" Mush asked innocently.

"AH! I'm getting my call waiting!" And Jack disappeared to laughter from the guys.

"Is that like a camel toe but for guys?

"I would imagine so Blinkletiddums."

"That makes me wanna vomit..."

"You sure that's not the beer, Spot?"

"Guinness doesn't make me vomit....anymore."

"Martini's make me vomit..."

"Everything makes you vomit, Mush."

"Not true, c...."

"ENOUGH!" Jack came back. "I know what you were gonna say and I had to stop it, understood?"

"Fucking perfectly..." Race answered sounding a bit disturbed.

"You are the most disgusting group of hormonal boys I have ever had the acquaintance of speaking too."

"Big words, Dave....way too big." Spot countered.

"Good evening, Spot."

"Will you cut the Harvard bullshit, Jacobs."

"Thank god, I thought you'd never ask me too."

"Your mother left the room?"

"Yep!" They all laughed. "Jack....my sister is still waiting for that phone call, what did you do to her?"

"Hey, Dave you're breakin up, I can't here ya! fsshhhzzz....fssshhhzzz." _Click, Click..._

"You hung up on him?" Race asked.

"Hehe....yea?"

"You fucked Sarah and dumped her didn't you?" Spot said laughing.

"Not technically! I fucked her and never called her back!"

"Jack! That's immoral!"

"Like you should talk!"

"At least leave a note....

_'Dear Fuckee,_

_Thank you for the great orgasm, but you're as ugly as a tarantula and I'd rather chew my arm off than wake up next to you again._

_Sincerely,_

_Fucker'_"

"Spot, you are so politically incorrect."

"What the hell does that have to do about being political?"

"How about just plain moral? Spot, that's terrible." Mush said forlornly.

"No it's not."

"She wasn't that good anyway." Jack blurted out. Everyone followed with a loud

"O_ooo_H!"

"Why don't we talk about Spot's girlfriend in bed?" Race chirped.

"Uh, no."

"Why not? You used to talk about all the other girls."

"Cuz this one would rip my "Mighty Captain" off, marinate it and feed it to me."

"You can't be serious?" Jack asked.

"OH, but I am....but I am."

"That is one scary chick...."

"But she's god damn fucking gorgeous."

"Beauty makes up for the bitch?"

"Pretty much."

"Tale as old as time....hmmmhmmmhumehumm..." They listened to Mush hum.

"Mushy, honey, where did that come from?"

"Did you say Beauty and The Beast?"

"Uh no, more like Beauty and The Bitch."

"I think that would go well with Disney programming. Please come see our new animated feature, Beauty and The Bitch, in theatres now. There's fantastic new songs, including the proclaimed "Tale as old as Tits."

"Tale as old as Tits....perky as can be..." Race sang.

"Then they'll start to sag unexpectedly!" Blink continued, while Spot and Jack cracked up.

"Oh man, I think the Disney channel would air this shit." Spot said, still laughing.

"What if we are on the Disney channel, being filmed by spies!"

"Race, what have you been smoking?"

"I.Don't. Know...hehehehe"

"GIR! What are you doing!?" Spot hollered.

"Watching the scary monkey show!"

"NO, Monkeeeeyyy!"

"Oooh..." Race answered sadly. "I think you need a hug."

"NO! NO GIR! NO! The Germs! The geeeeerms!"

"OH, my bees...." Then Spot started laughing.

"You switched episodes on me!"

"Shit! Sorry!"

"My cat is licking my kneecap...."

"What, Mush?"

"My cat is licking my kneecap and oddly enough it's sort of erotic...."

"Bestiality is so in." Blink stated.

"I would fuck a cat." Spot agreed. "Especially if it's licking my kneecap."

"How could you fuck it while it's licking your kneecap?"

"Dude, I don't know, I just would."

"Oh crap, my mother burnt her hair, I gotta go!" _Click!_

"Bye Blinkness....I'm sad now, I'm gonna go pout..."

"Bye Mush." _Click._

"Why were we calling each other anyway?"

"I dunno, hey call me later when you figure out what's goin on all right?"

"No problem Jack." _Click. Click. Click._

Jack went to go to the bathroom but was stopped by the ringing of his phone.

"Yea?"

"Weren't we supposed to go to the beach?" Mush asked.

"At five thirty?"

"Yes at five thirty."

"Five thirty?"

"Five thirty.... Shall I call Blink to confirm?"

"I just hope his house hasn't burnt down."

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Alright, now that your officially traumatized or laughing your pants off, please his the review button, cuz I would love to here what you thought of my insanity.


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